Mommy madness
So I’ve been a mommy for four months now and the last time I was able to blog was on June 13. Not too bad. Want to know what I’ve learnt?
You can’t plan anything. Here’s what went awry:
- I am bottle-feeding. Now if you know about the breastfeeding brigade, you will understand why this is such a big deal. If one more person asks me “Are you *only* bottle-feeding?” I will scream! No, I won’t – too polite for that shit. It was hard to feed Lentil (or like I like to think of him now, Beautiful Boy or just BeBo) because he was *tiny*, I was nervous about the amount of milk he was getting, he was in hospital for almost a month because he refused to drink all his milk, I was depressed (yes, clinically) and then went on some lovely drugs and am much better now thanks. Fuck, can you see how guilty I feel?
- I am using disposable nappies. I bought the damn eco-friendly ones, tried one of them on when he eventually came home but thought better of it. I gave them to a friend whose baby is allergic to the disposables. Yes, there’s a landfill with my name on it.
- I don’t use bum cream. At all. I have millions of samples and presents from well-meaning people. I’ll use some if his bum is red.
- He doesn’t smell like baby. He reacted to the sweet-smelling array of lotions and potions that I also have a million of…
- He sleeps in our bed sometimes. My parents disapprove and so do the nurses and his paediatrician. Even The Man is a bit worried about that. Whatever.
- I haven’t moved him in to his “own” room yet either. I was saying that he’d be in it by three months. Yeah, right.
- I let him sleep on his tummy. He’s over that now though – he flips himself over onto his back himself. Probably knows what’s good for him.
- In my wisdom as a mom-to-be, I declared that dummies/pacifiers are bad and I had no intention of giving him one. He has three.
And the reason I am able to sit here and formulate all these thoughts: We took him to creche today. It’s quiet – I’ve been at the PC for more than an hour without getting up. I miss him. It’s raining. And I have an appointment with the dentist. How’s that for a blue Monday?
Baby makes three
I was sitting here with tears in my eyes – been doing that a whole lot lately. After reading The Man’s Facebook status and realising that we’ve both been under such strain. And all I really want us to do is celebrate: the birth of our son (yes!) and the fact that we’ve on the brink of owning our first home.
Instead I’m stressing about Lentil because he’s still in hospital, having difficulty feeding after a bout of jaundice. It’s only been three days (I realised this today – the hospital discharged me but not him) and I feel like it’s been ages. Too long.
I’ve been trying to maintain (you know that’s what I do) but slipping most of the time. I’m so tried tired of explaining to friends and family that he’s NOT home yet and no, I don’t know when he will be.
The nurse said he reckons he should be out by Monday/Tuesday – I’m tyring trying to think as positively as she does (and she has years of experience right?) and must admit that I had an spring in my step when I left hospital tonight.
It’s made worse by the fact that it’s Father’s Day on Sunday and he won’t be home – it would have been such a great present for The Man. For both of us.
Just one more week
So, it’s a week and counting. A week before we have a baby – that thing that makes three, as they say. I’ve changed my theme in celebration. And nervousness, general paranoia and in the hope that if I change some things, others will follow.
Watching Rocky V with The Man *eish* just what I need right now. We’ve been moving the furniture around in preparation for the little one.
Oh my, either Sylvester Stallone is an amazing actor or he really is as dumb as Rocky!
Seven months and counting
Let’s not mention how long it’s been.
Long enough that my bump reaches the front door before I do. Lentil is no longer an appropriate name, unless they come in the 1,3kg variety!
I see the WordPress dashboard has been updated – wonder when that happened? Looks good.
I’m about to go on maternity leave… the sooner the better as far as I’m concerned. I spent the past few months finding it hard to let go of work; now I’m spending my days counting down to when I can officially say that the day that I can finally log off and not think about work anymore.
I’m too busy worrying about Lentil and the diabetes and the high blood pressure. Worrying is what I do nowadays. I also My decision around the birth changes from day to day – one day I want the natural birth option (with drugs of course) and on others I want the clinical (elective) C-section.
Can’t seem to make up my mind.
Hot and bothered
I’m away from home for a week. For work, not on holiday, like the rest of SA at the moment. It sucks.
My back is sore. Lentil’s making my hips ache. Oh, did I warn you about the griping session I’m about to launch? Sorry, too late.
The work I’m supposed to be doing isn’t going so well. Quite badly actually. The people I’m supposed to be working with have taken to ignoring me, probably in the hope that I’ll just go away.
*sigh*
Much rather be in my hotel room watching mindless Sunday TV, thanks. Or at home with The Man for that matter.
In fact, I’d do that now if it didn’t seem like I was being the pregnant woman who’s not pulling her weight. *deep sigh*
Forced into comfortable shoes
Lost it when I saw a cockroach in the bedroom the other night. Now not many people would think that’s weird – roaches are gross but I live in an area where they fly in and out all the time. It’s not like they’re breeding behind the fridge! *Ew*
Anyway, freaked out, sprayed so much insecticide… the hormones are clearly acting up in full control.
It was crawling around in my new pair of shoes though – does that make it more reasonable?!
Okay, not.
Talking about shoes… Jimmy Choos is coming to town. Great timing. I’m buying Green Cross and Jimmy’s in town. *sigh*
Conversations with an eight-week-old
I talk to Lentil. Only last night we had a long chat about how I’m really sorry about those Cosmos and Durban Poison that I had before I knew all about him/her.
I’m afraid I may turn into one of those weird mommies that record every single second of their pregnancy – already I’ve joined www.babycenter.co.uk to get the weekly emails. It’s where Lentil got its name The mommies-to-be on those forums are quite scary, they have these strange signatures with Lentil-sized baby pictures “saying” things like “I’ve started developing digits”. Freaky.
I’m just glad Lentil lost his tail this week. At least that’s what I’m told. The big gynae appointment is only on December 4. We may even get a picture, depending on what it costs. Not having medical aid sucks.
Anyway, wasn’t so tired today so finally was able to pack the groceries away and The Man started the washing. Ooh, there’s the berry dessert crumble all done.
Can you just see me in a couple of months?! *big sigh*
Lentil
So, the best way to say this is: I’m pregnant. As far as The Man’s concerned it’s firmly established his status as The Man. And me? Well, I’m tired right now and should be sleeping but I’m tired of being tired. And, of course, I’m not making much sense either.
Had my first good, clean fun evening out the other night. It was cool – who knew foosball and pool could be fun sober?! 
I’ve named it Lentil because that’s how small it is at the moment. Not for much longer though. I can’t believe after all the fussing we’re going to have a baby.
It’s going to be *so* cute.
Moving experience
Relaxing now after a hectic week of packing, moving and unpacking. Okay, so the unpacking isn’t done yet but we’re getting there! It’s been kinda hard with the Texan in town as well. You know how much I love excuses, right?!
It’s back to work as well tomorrow. *eish* Pretty hard that. Was wishing I had taken more time off but the situation does not lend itself, you know?
Not feeling very talkative really – last night’s party hit hard. Special Durban package and the vodka were the perfect mix for that heated pool. It’s going on my list of must-haves.
This one wins for oversharing
I’m pretty good at maintaining. You know, in the face of adversity and all that. Those moments when you feel like everything is coming crashing down and you just want to scream or cry your eyes out. Sort of like I’m doing now.
The Man has gone for almost a month and I just heard *another* one of my friends in pregnant. Now I know I’ve said I’m torn about this baby thing. Trying to One day I’m so ready and the next I just don’t know what I’d do with a looking after another human being.
You guessed it. Today is not one of the what-the-hell-is-this-broodiness-shit days. Maybe it would have been easier if The Man was here and I could talk to him. Maybe.
I need to blow my nose. Sweet. It doesn’t help that my birthday is coming up. Quite a big one. Piss Possibly the reason I am having such a bad time today. I’m going to be 35.
Experts say your eggs take a dive after that. Great. Just fucking great.
I’m never miserable around my bday – ask anyone. I love my birthday; everything about it. Another year gone by, another new year to look forward to and, of course, presents and well wishes from friends and family.
I’ll get there hopefully.
